It's no secret that your body changes while battling cancer. I've only started this battle two weeks ago and I'm already noticing subtle changes. The side effects of Chemo have yet to hit me and yet I'm already aware of my body's growing fragility.
Despite the differences I've been feeling and seeing on the outside, there's the one crucial inner change that started this entire journey for me and sparked the biggest question for myself. "Where did the Gene-mutation come from?" It's the hardest question to ask because there is no answer, and it's the most frustrating question to ask because it offers no condolence and no blame. There might be answers years from now, but as of now I'm one of the 1-2% of lung cancer patients who have this mutated gene and there was nothing in my power I could have done to keep this from happening. A psycho-oncologist came to speak to me during my first day at the clinic and after listening to me describe my situation for a little she asked me, not hiding her confusion, "So you're not disappointed in your body?" That thought had never occurred to me before. The idea that I would be disappointed in my own being, blaming it for this fate, seemed completely far-fetched and irrational to me. The relationship I've had with my body has been tense at times and I've pushed my limits more than I'd like to admit. However, over the years of already living with a chronic illness and now especially after my recent diagnosis I've taken on a very nourishing, almost motherlike attitude towards my body. Now more than ever my body needs to be cared for and handled with love and sensitivity. There is no room for blame and there is no space for disappointment. If I want to move forward I will have to keep my body and my mind safe and reassure it every day that I will take care of them. I will love every inch of my body, every fiber, every cell that I'm made of and I will promise myself, I will be safe again, in time.
5 Comments
Ă„nni Ailurus
1/31/2017 01:49:33 am
"Der Starke gibt dem Schwachen die Kraft,
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Regina Harders
1/31/2017 07:08:46 am
You are a beautiful inspiration!
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Mandy
1/31/2017 12:47:52 pm
Liebe Carla,
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Penni Newlun
2/1/2017 07:44:01 pm
So very wise - an old soul, indeed! You know already what some people spend a very long lifetime figuring out (and sometimes never do)... that every part of us is precious and worthy of every bit of energy we have to sustain and protect. The fact that it doesn't occur to you to feel anything but joy in your own body and existence is a beautiful shining light in this world - one we sorely need more of... thank you, dear Carla, for sharing your journey with those around you far and near - in sustaining yourself, you are sustaining us all! May love and peace surround and protect you now and always... much love! Penni
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Christine Walter (geb. Trinks)
2/3/2017 03:58:30 am
Liebe Carla,
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AuthorI'm carla. My friends think I'm a superhuman and will change the world and right now I'm battling lung cancer and I'm trying to keep you all updated. (Friends are currently writing this - carla really is a superhuman) Archives
March 2017
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