I had plans for 2017. When the new year hit I had my glass raised, was surrounded by friends and was doing what I do best. Dancing with the care-free attitude of someone who is utterly fueled by endless possibilities to create, and convinced that great things were right ahead.
Unfortunately life had other plans for me. When I read the report on my lung x-ray I stayed surprisingly detached. The diagnosis seemed completely out of place and unrealistic. Up until flying home for Christmas I was working full-time, going to college, and leading a very exhilarating social life. There were no signs of a person whose body was being compromised by an invisible enemy. This seemed to be the general opinion of the Doctors who compared my physique to the x-ray image and so everyone was convinced that the big shadow on my lung and the snowflake-like dots had to be anything but a tumor. The biopsy proved us all wrong and when the Doctor spoke to me one-on-one about the seriousness of my situation and the choices I'd have to make, I watched everything in my life suddenly unhinge. I felt like I'd been reading a book about my life and suddenly turned the page to this completely unrelated story where nobodies' roles made sense anymore and the entire premise morphed. The interesting thing however, was that despite the initial horror of having my new reality sink in, I felt myself adapt almost seamlessly to the new story I was suddenly reading. Perhaps it's some form of self-preservation or a coping mechanism, but I slipped on this outfit of someone whose story line was to be diagnosed with cancer and who was going to beat it. It's been almost a week since my diagnosis and I am happy to say that some constants of my previous reality remain. My family who loves me fiercely is with me every step of the way and my friends have shown me again and again how much they are willing to help me carry this new load. Also, I am recognizing that my relationship with music is still alive and well and stronger than before. I feel like I have the best support system I could possibly ask for and am perfectly equipped to finish this story as it was intended to end.
30 Comments
Gillian
1/23/2017 03:14:07 pm
Carla thankyou! Journaling is a wonderful idea for all concerned. I wish you all the loving brilliance to get through this wildcard episode.
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Carla
1/28/2017 03:47:08 am
I try to get a little bit of singing, writing and sketching in every day. Art and Music truly do heal.
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Ross Goddard
1/23/2017 03:52:11 pm
We are (obviously) wishing you well and are so glad to hear you are surrounded by support and strength.
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1/23/2017 09:22:18 pm
Hi Carla, I am John's mom. Since learning of your cancer, I pray for you and your family regularly. You have a beautiful, revealing blog. Just know we care!
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Carla
1/28/2017 03:44:20 am
Thank you so much, I can't wait to have Becky and John here with me in February.
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Bryan Newlun
1/24/2017 03:12:43 pm
Blessings from northern Michigan. Hurry up and get outa there.... I need another CD from you all.
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Penni Newlun
1/24/2017 03:12:58 pm
Lovely, Carla!! Know that you are in the hearts and healing flames of many, many candles on this side of the big pond... thank you for sharing your very special journey! Much love, Penni
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AuthorI'm carla. My friends think I'm a superhuman and will change the world and right now I'm battling lung cancer and I'm trying to keep you all updated. (Friends are currently writing this - carla really is a superhuman) Archives
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